In the fast-paced world of online dating, the first impression is everything. For many people this is the place where many of their potential connections fizzle out and die. To help you make the most out of your first message, here are some of our top tips for opening a conversation on dating apps.

1. Personalize Your Opening Line

Avoid generic greetings like “Hey” or “Hi there” in favor of something specific to their profile. No matter how elaborate or well crafted your opening line is, if it works on everyone, it’ll be immediately obvious that you’re sending everyone the same opener.

People love seeing that you’ve at least taken the time out of your day to look through their profile and craft an opening line just for them.

This could be a shared hobby, a unique photo, or a compelling bio detail. Make a genuine attempt to find something on their profile that piques your interest, and you’ll see your first message response rate skyrocket!

Hey [Name], I saw on your profile that you’re into [shared interest]. [Ask a question or relate it to your shared interest in that thing]

2. Ask An Open Ended Question

Your goal with the opening line is to give the other person a chance to tell you something about them. Most people like to talk about themselves which is why opening with a question is such an effective technique.

Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no, as this will then require that you send a “Second first message” when they inevitably respond with a one word answer. You want to make the question easy to answer so that it isn’t a burden for them to respond, but consider the direction that the question will steer your conversation in if it get’s a response. Consider asking about their opinions, experiences, or preferences, preferably based on something you find on their profile.

I saw on your profile that you recently went on a vacation to [Location]. What was your favorite part of the trip?

3. Start With A Bit of Humor

Humor when combined with the other considerations on this list can be a great way to break the ice and make you seem more approachable. If you can manage to slip a bit of it into your opening message, you're much more likely to get a response!

It’s worth noting that even the funniest message may not get a response if it doesn’t point the conversation in some direction or give them an obvious path toward responding. Your goal with your opening message is to make yourself seem fun and approachable, but also to make it very easy to respond to (at least for the first message).

Hey [Name], I see you’re into camping! Hypothetical Scenario: A zombie outbreak strikes, where are you headed to survive?

4. Share Something About Yourself

Sometimes a profile won’t have anything for you to latch on to. In these cases it can be a good move to share something about your interests to try to stir up the conversation. This may help to encourage the other person to do the same.

These types of profiles are usually the hardest to send the opening message for because there is nothing personal to thread into your message. For these cases, it’s ok to have an absolute last resort opening line for when there’s nothing else to dig into.

I just got back from a hiking trip to [Location]. Do you like spending time in nature or are you more of a home body?

5. Avoid Overused Pickup Lines

In most cases pickup lines are a high risk move that should be avoided. If your match has heard the line before, the conversation will usually end there.

Some pickup lines can be clever or amusing, but most are overused and don’t give your match anything to latch on to. It’s better to craft something personal and to take the approach of making something custom for fewer matches than it is to shotgun a pickup line to everyone you match with.

Are you Wi-Fi? Cause I think I’m feeling a connection (they look at their phone and roll their eyes)

6. Acknowledge Shared Interests

If you have a common hobby or interest, you’re in luck! This is a great thing to use in your opening message to set the course for the first bit of the conversation. You will immediately have something to bond over and depending on the hobby, maybe even a great first date idea!

I noticed we both do [shared interest]. Have you ever tried [related activity or event]?

7. Be Careful of Tone and Language

Before sending your first message, take a look over the other person’s bio. This should give you a good indication of what kind of communication style that they expect to use.

You should do your best to match the language and tone that they use. If they use formal language, mirror that as best as you can. If they seem to be more casual/laid-back, adjust a bit. You may also find that this tone shifts through the course of your communication, so do your best to keep matching as the conversation evolves.

8. Respect Boundaries and Be Polite

Above all else, be sure to approach your conversation with respect for the human on the other side of the screen. This will immediately disqualify you as a partner in most people’s eyes and is also just not a very kind way to approach a conversation.

Avoid comments (especially in the initial message) about things like physical appearance, medical conditions or other overly personal questions

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Final Thoughts

Remember, the goal of your first message is just to initiate the conversation. There’s no need to jam everything that you want to talk about into the first message!

You want to point the conversation in a reasonable direction that will lead to a good follow up conversation where you both get to learn a bit about each other. Be interested, respectful, genuine and open and you can’t go wrong.

By taking a more tailored approach to the opening message, you’ll increase your chances of making a real connection and moving your conversation into the real world!